Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
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I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
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Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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