watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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