she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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