some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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