tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I need water and some morals
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
