I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
