I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
