and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
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I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
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He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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