So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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