...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
