I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
