my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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