32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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