she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My vagina is officially offended.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
