You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Do vagina's smell?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
