First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
