He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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