i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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