I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
