roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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