Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He passed out mid-signature
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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