Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
