After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
