Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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