I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
