We got so high we made milksteak
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
