I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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