So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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