Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
