just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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