help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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