We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
