I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
