He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
