You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
