Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
