Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
