epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I am midnight drunk by noon
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize