And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
