Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i just made my gag reflex go away.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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