I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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