Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
