I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
