The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
They have beer where we have blood.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
