Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
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I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
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A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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