All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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