remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Randomize
