you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I love you. Go after that dick
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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