You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
