carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
In other news, I just burned my penis
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
