i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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