Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
