is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I am mentally ready for anal.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
