But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize
