He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
