i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
