i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
