he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
