dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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