first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Use "feeling words"
Yay
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
