As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
His nipple licking is glorious
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