please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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