shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
high people should be assigned attendants
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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