Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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