So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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