were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Randomize
