i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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