Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
