Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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