What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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