I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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