For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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