your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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