you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
