Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
