Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
