They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
