Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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