having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
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The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
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Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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