Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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