wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
