dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
