Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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