mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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