i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
