just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
