how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
