I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
